Cultivating Confidence
Inside Out
Encouraging you to Feel Better, Shine Brighter, and Live Bigger from the Inside Out.
A Word
con·fi·dence
/ˈkänfəd(ə)ns/
noun
the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something: firm trust.
the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
A Thought
Sitting down to write this week’s email has me contemplating confidence. I’m looking back over my life and considering the impact of confidence (or lack thereof) on my life’s journey. I notice that certain things I once relied upon for confidence are no longer relied upon. On one hand, I can see how age and circumstances change how I view the world and what is important. However, getting older does not necessarily mean getting wiser. I’m sure you can think of someone who has aged alongside you, but for whatever reason, is still thinking and behaving like a child. Perhaps they project confidence through arguments, bullying, and manipulation, but you see this for what it is…a lack of confidence hiding behind control. Maybe someone is the absolute best at everything, but behind the shiny exterior, there is a lack of belief in their worthiness.
There are many directions I could take this topic. For today’s purpose, I’m going to share a bit about my journey with confidence. From a young age, I believe I was perceived as confident. I was competitive, outgoing, and popular. Roller-skating was my life in late elementary years through middle school. Both for fun and recreation, but also for sport. Our local rink, High Rollers, had a speed skating team, the High Roller Rockets. I joined the team and soon I was winning first place in local and regional competitions. During this season I also had repeated strep throat infections and two bouts of Mono, more on that later. As I entered High School, I joined the Drama Club and was the lead in the musical Cinderella. Next, I was nominated as class President and Homecoming Princess. By my junior year, I saw myself as “too cool” for school, and I was ready to be done with High School. I applied and was accepted to the early admissions program. I was able to attend the local Community College and have the credits count for both my senior year of HS and my freshman year of college. I was sailing through and soaring high!
This pattern continued through college and into early adulthood. Essentially the pattern went like this, I would look at whatever situation was before me and ask myself, “What is expected of me?”. I would think “What do people want?”, “How is success defined here?”, and then I would perform. I would become what I thought others wanted me to be, and I succeeded. I received the accolades, the awards, the jobs, promotions, attention, adoration, and on and on. There would be a temporary boost in my confidence, and moments of exhilaration as I was looked upon as highly favored by other humans. However, this external success never fully made it to the inside. Like an addictive substance, I needed more of it to have the same effect. Whatever I was feeling, it wasn’t confidence. Instead of gaining clarity, there was confusion. Instead of order, there was chaos. Instead of confidence, there was unhealthy pride, self-reliance, and a hidden fear that I wasn’t enough.
I’m grateful to be able to say that there was a turning point when this pattern began to change. Stay tuned next week as I share part 2 of this story.
An Invitation
I invite you to reflect on your own life’s journey and how confidence (or lack of it) has played a role. How do you define confidence and has it changed as you’ve progressed through life? Has your confidence come from inside of you, from others, or from something else?