Assumption

A Word

Assumption
/ǝ’sem (p)SH (ǝ)n/

Noun
-A thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof

A Thought

Do you remember the old saying about what happens when you assume? You make an “ass” of “u and me”. Well, it turns out, that’s only partly true. The truth is that we’re always making assumptions. We can choose to make generous/compassionate assumptions of ourselves and others, or we can assume the worst.  Our brains are always trying to make meaning and to protect us from danger.  In our civilized world of today we’re not making too many assumptions about our physical safety, like whether there are tigers and bears behind the upcoming tree. We’re making assumptions about our relational, social, and emotional safety.  Are we liked, accepted, valued, appreciated, respected? We make assumptions to protect our standing with others, and big surprise here, they’re not always the best of assumptions.

Once our basic human needs are met, our next greatest need is for love and belonging. We want to feel connected to the important people in our lives, understood and accepted as we are not as they would want us to be. We can “rest” physiologically with these people because we know we are safe; we don’t have to put on a social mask or pretend to be something we are not. Ultimately, these people expect the best of you, they give you the “benefit of the doubt” when things don’t go as expected. In essence they make generous assumptions when it comes to you and your relationship with them.

In her book Rising Strong, author and researcher Brené Brown defines generosity as the ability to “extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.” YIKES, I don’t know about you, but that’s not always easy to do! My brain wants to protect me from being judged, misunderstood, offended, left out, taken advantage of, etc. My brain wants me to beat the other person to the punch, wants me to be protected against what I don’t know for certain. Yet, when I pause and reflect, I realize I want people to make generous assumptions about me, and I want those assumptions to be true. This feels like an element of living in integrity. There is much more to say on this topic, but for now, an invitation to practice.

An Invitation

I invite you to practice making generous assumptions with me, and I have some tips and questions below to support our practice. 

Tips:

• Don’t expect perfection of yourself or others. This is a practice and a process.

• Accept that we all judge and make assumptions, but that we can switch from judging and assuming the worst to learning and assuming generously.

• Pay attention and notice when you are stressed and/or judging yourself or others, notice how it feels in your body.

• Be kind and compassionate, take a deep breath, and choose to be curious by asking the following questions

Questions:

Source: Change Your Questions Change Your Life by Marilee Adams, PhD

• What assumptions am I making?

• How else can I think about this?

• What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?

"Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different."
-Indra Nooyi